Report # 2

FROM: Flying Saucer 17 (Sub-Leader Zork)

TO: Mega Leader Vagiplex, Plotarian High Command

Greetings ML Vagiplex. May the five moons of Dook increase your regularity.

It has been a highly productive week. Several of our mind-control tests were astoundingly successful. We have one of the earthlings--one they call Robertson--so thoroughly controlled, that at any time, we can cause it to say anything we choose. Better still, this particular earthling appears to be the leader of a religious cult, and regularly broadcasts video messages to them. (Via a primitive radio-based technology called "TV".)

The Robertson earthling is unusually amenable to mind control as most of its brain matter is completely atrophied.

This week, for example, we caused it to warn a small earthling city that it had incurred the wrath of Robertson's deity. While the content of this message had no purpose other than our own amusement, we could use this particular earthling as a communication device, should the need arise.

Report #1

FROM: Flying Saucer 17 (Sub-Leader Zork)

TO: Mega Leader Vagiplex, Plotarian High Command

Greetings ML Vagiplex. May the Great Jelly Beast of Akbutt gird your upper digestive track.

First week on duty has been quiet. Science experiments progressing as expected, although my supply of anal probes is nearly exhausted. Please send another box. Also, the quality appears to be worse than usual: 30-percent of the last batch got stuck and snapped off. I think maybe these are “Made in Gxborc 4,” if you know what I mean.

There is a rumor going around that Florg and Xlaks have been making crop circles while off duty, again. Just thought you should know.

Will file additional reports as scheduled.